För ett tag sedan läste jag Prins Annorlunda av Sören Olsson och Yvonne Brynggård-Olsson.

Efter bara ett par sidor så kände jag att jag vill skriva en bok. Om Malva. Jag vet inte varför. Jag vet inte ens om hur man gör när man skriver en bok. Jag bara kände att det kanske vore bra. Jag vet ingenting om hur man skriver en bok. Jag har en början, men jag har inget slut. Kan man skriva en bok då? Var vänder man sig? Hur går man till väga?

Boken berörde mig så starkt. Jag har inte ett barn med Downs Syndrom. Jag har ett barn med Prader Willi syndrom. Men deras tankar, känslor var så skrämmande likt mina att jag kände en sån stark samhörighet. Jag vet. Jag har varit där.

Jag vet hur förväntningarna var på det kommande barnet. Jag visste hur det skulle bli. Perfekt trodde jag…
Jag vet hur det känns att ligga på BB och vara avundsjuk. Jag vet precis hur det känns när man tycker att läkarna letar fel på ens barn. Tro mig. Jag vet.

Och med boken förstod jag. DS och PWS är ganska lika. Prins Annorlunda är så klok. Så fin och underbar och jag är så glad över att de har delat med sig av hans värme. Kanske är det därför jag vill dela med mig om det jag vet. Det jag kan.

Trots allt det svåra som har varit, som är och som kommer att bli. Jag skulle aldrig byta bort det för en sekund. Som jag skrev när hon föddes: Vi har fått henne av en anledning. Det är upp till oss att göra det bästa vi kan av situationen. Vi är inte världsbäst på PWS. Men vi är världsbäst på att vara hennes föräldrar. Och det är jag stolt över!

 

Har varit en runda på stan med familjen och shoppat lite böcker.
Jag läste dem när jag var barn, men inte alla, så nu gör jag ett nytt försök. Har läst ut de första två på 1,5 dag… Så jag var tvungen att köpa fyra till. Åtminstone kanske jag klarar mig till helgen…?

Annars är det som vanligt. Får som vanligt höra att jag är sur. Till slut blir man det om inte annat. Kanske tar jag åt mig, har mens igen. (har hormonspiral och denkan dröja månader mellan varven..) Nåväl. Sur känner jag mig inte. Lagom irriterad är nog ett bättre val av mig idag.

Jag längtar bort. Men när jag är borta längtar jag hem.

Snart börjar vardagen igen och som jag längtar!! Fast samtidigt längtar jag inte alls. Pest eller kolera liksom.

Bah!

 

Nästan nyss vaknat. Somnade med ångest och halsbränna. Riktigt jobbigt, men är kanske inne i nån period. Självförvållat kanske. Jag vet inte. Försöker släppa det. Kommer att berätta för er senare. Riktigt läskugt var det iallafall. För mig.

Sitter ute i lekparken. Lyssnar på fåglarnas kvitter. Barn som leker. En mamma pratar med sina barn. Solen lyyser och det är äntligen behagliga grader igen. Det är sådana här dagar jag älskar sommaren!

Imorgon fyller jag år. Igen.
Men i år har jag ingen direkt ångest för min födelsedag som tidigare år. Jag börjar väl bli gammal… 😉

Eller så har det sina naturliga orsaker också. Vem vet.

Så fort jag bestämmer mig för en grej så händer det nåt som jag verkligen känner att jag behöver dela med mig av. Pinsamheter, javisst. Men samtidigt kanske bra att andra får veta. Bli varnade liksom.

Bestämde mig ju för flera veckor sedan att lägga ner min blogg. Nu velar jag igen. Fick en avi om kommande förnyelse. Det knöt sig i magen. Är jag riktigt redo?

Visst, jag uppdaterar inte ofta nu för tiden. Jag vill gärna vara en sån där bloggare som lägger upp bilder och berättar om min vardag. Men jag orkar inte. Jag är otroligt lat och sen tror jag inte att folk är så intresserade egentligen. Tar massor med bilder, men förmår mig ändå inte att lägga upp dem. Kanske måste jag få en spark i baken. Jag vet inte.

Och att ha lösenordsskyddad blogg funkar inte. Ingen vill ju regga sig. 😛 och vad är vitsen att skriva om ingen läser?
Besökare vet jag att jag har. Tydligen fortfarande.

Fast efter mitt senaste inlägg så kommer de nog inte tillbaka… (inlägget är raderat nu) för jag kommer nog tillbaka. Behöver ventilera. Så, Manulog är på tillbakagång.

Satt och surfade runt lite och hittade en skojig grej.

I am a morning person.
I am an only child.
I am currently in my pajamas.
I am currently pregnant.
I am currently single
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to my MySpace.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first.
I bite my nails.
I can be paranoid at times.
I don’t like anyone.
I enjoy country music.

I enjoy smoothies
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I have a car.
I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
I have a hidden talent.
I have a pet.
I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl.
I have all my grandparents.
I have been to another country.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
I have or had broken a bone.
I have caller I.D. on my phone.
I have bathed someone.
I have changed a diaper.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have had major/minor surgery.
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have mood swings.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I have rejected someone before.
I have seen the television show The O.C.
I have seen the “Lord Of The Rings” trilogy.
I like the taste of blood.

I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop.
I own 100 CDs or more.
I own and use a library card.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
I sleep a lot during the day.
I strongly dislike math.
I was born in a country other than the US.
I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

I HAVE/HAD:
Graduated high school.
Kissed someone.
Smoked cigarettes.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid.
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Spun turn tables.
Watched four movies in one night.
Been dumped.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon.
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day.
Written a 10 page letter.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Skipped school.
Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yard sale.
And a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to Sea World.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American/Australian Idol.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn’t have.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.
Had a hamster.
Gone surfing in California.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Your parents sent you to a shrink.
Been handcuffed.
Taken pictures with a webcam.

I AM ___ TALL.
5’0” or shorter
5’1” or 5’2”
5’3” or 5’4”
5’5” or 5’6”
5’7” or 5’8”
5’9” or 6’0”
6’1” or taller

MY HAIR IS NATURALLY THE COLOR ___.
Light brown
Medium brown
Dark brown
Blonde
Black
Dirty blonde
Strawberry blonde
Purple

MY HAIR’S NATURAL TEXTURE IS ___.
Curly
Straight
Wavy
A combination of things
Nappy

MY EYES ARE ___.
Brown
Blue
Green
Grey
Hazel
Light brown
A combination of things

MY SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS ___.
Straight.
Gay.
Bisexual.

I AM A ___.
Male
Female

PEOPLE SOMETIMES LABEL ME AS ___.
Prep
Grunge
Slut
Popular
Gangster
Girly
Tomboy
Prude
Teacher’s pet
Nerd
Geek
Happy
(How should I know?!)

MY LONGEST RELATIONSHIP WAS ___. (INCLDUING ON & OFF RELATIONSHIPS)
1 month or less
2 months
3 months
4 months
5 months
6 months
7 months
8 months
9 months
10 months
11 months
A year+
Two years or more
I’ve never been in a real relationship.

SOME OF MY BIGGEST FEARS ARE ___.
Spiders/other insects
Dying
Doctor/dentist appointments
Hospitals
Needles
Disease
Being alone in the dark
Heights
Small spaces
Oceans/large bodies of water
Holes
Large animals
Small animals
Dying young
Old people

MY PERSONALITY:
I’m loud only when I’m high.
I’m obnoxious.
I’m sarcastic.
I’m cocky.
I cry easily.
I have a bad temper.
For the most part, I don’t like people.
I’m easy to get along with.
I like to fight.
I have more enemies than friends.
I’ve smoked.
I’ve smoked weed.
I drink coffee.
I clean my room daily.

MY APPEARANCE:
I wear makeup.
I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.
I wear contacts.
I wear glasses.
I’ve had braces.
I have braces.
I change my hair color often.
I straighten my hair often.
My ears are pierced.
I have small feet.

RELATIONSHIPS:
I’m in a relationship now.
I’m single.
I’m crushing.
I’ve missed an ex before.
I’m always scared of being hurt.
An ex has physically abused me at least once.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve been in love more than twice.
I believe in love at first sight.
I believe lust is more important than love.

FRIENDSHIPS:
I have a best friend.
I have at least ten friends.
I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.
I’ve beaten up a friend.
I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.
I can trust at least five people with my life.

EXPERIENCES:
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been on a train.
I’ve left the state/province.
Someone close to me has died.
I’ve taken a taxi.
I’ve taken a city bus.
I’ve taken a school bus.
I’ve gone bungee jumping.
I’ve made a speech.
I’ve been in some sort of club.
I’ve won an award.
I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight.
I’ve been in a physical fight.

MUSIC:
I listen to country.
I listen to pop.
I listen to techno.
I listen to rock.
I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it
I hate the radio.
I download music.
I buy CD’s.

TELEVISION:
I spend at least six hours a day watching television.
I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives.
I’ve seen and like The OC.
I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill.
I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model.
I’ve seen and like Popular.
I’ve seen and like House.
I’ve seen and like 24.
I’ve seen and like CSI.
I’ve seen and like Everwood.

FAMILY LIFE:
I get along with both of my parents.
My biological parents are still together.
I have at least one brother.
I have at least one sister.
I have at least one step brother/sister.
I have at least one half brother/sister.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I’ve ran away from my home.
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve made my parents cry.
I’ve lied to my parents.
I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.
I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.
I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.
I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

HAIR:
I’ve cut my hair in the past year.
I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.
I’ve been blonde.
I’ve had black.
I’ve been red.
I’ve been light brown.
I’ve been medium brown.
I’ve had purple/pink.
I’ve been blue/green.
I’ve gotten my hair thinned.
I use conditioner.
I’ve used silk therapy.
I’ve used hot oil treatments.
I’ve curled my hair.
I’ve straightened my hair.
I’ve ironed my hair.
I’ve braided my hair.
I’ve had/want dreadlocks.

SCHOOL:
I’ve thrown something at a teacher.
I’ve yelled at a teacher.
I’ve been suspended.
I’ve had an in-school suspension.
I’ve been sent to the principal’s office.
I’ve walked out of class.
I’ve skipped an entire day of school.
I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.
I’ve failed a test.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.
I’ve failed Art.
I’ve failed P.E.
I’ve failed Math.
I’ve failed another class.
A teacher has called my parents.
I’ve been caught skipping.

1. Dyed your hair an odd color.
2. Went skinny dipping.
3. Bought something you didn’t need.
4. Snuck out of your house.
5. Became obsessed with a song no one knew.
6. Learned a song on your phone with your keypad.
7. Knitted something.
8. Ran a mile.
9. Fell in love.
10. Said, “like yeahh” too many times.
11. Lost your closests friends.
12. Got into a fight with someone you loved.
13. Climbed a tree.
14. Did something you said you wouldn’t.
15. Figured out who your real friends were.
16. Graduated High School.
17. Shopped online.
18. Created a tumblr.
19. Got addicted to tumblr.
20. Realized who you truly are.
21. Sang karaoke.
22. Flew across the world.
23. Performed in front of a large audience.
24. Met someone irl you found online.
25. Found a new band you now love.
26. Realized that Kanye West essentially sucks.
27. Got drunk.
28. Got high.
29. Spoke to a police officer.
30. Realized everyone is a hypocrite.
31. Panicked over something stupid.
32. Failed a class.
33. Fell out of love.
34. Played a video game for hours straight.
35. Spent time with your family.
36. Ate dinner alone.
37. Cried in the shower.
38. Gained a new family member.
39. Shot off your own fireworks.
40. Made a snowman.
41. Got yelled at for no reason.
42. Waved at people you didn’t know in passing cars.
43. Sat on opera all day.
44. Changed your entire look.
45. Had sex.
46. Ran outside naked when it was freezing out.
47. Made your own fire.
48. Laughed at something that made no sense.
49. Fell asleep on the phone.
50. Told someone you loved them.